The upwelling long-form census gusher is an instructive affair. The solemn army of Economicals, Anthro Department Chairs and Social Scient(ish)ists imploring us to just open up a little…? To better… inform policy?

Yeah, that should make your Spidey-sense tingle. By “inform policy,” the professional long-formeristes mean “pass new laws.” And “more regulations.” Sure, that's what they want. They’re almost all civil servants.

Maybe you’re cool with that. After all, the hundreds of thousands of laws and regulations we have now are all working pretty well, you might think. Well, there’s only one way to settle this, hotshot.

PROPAGANDIST POP QUIZ!

INSTRUCTIONS. Mark (T) for items that are really on the long-form Canuck census and (F) for outrageous made-up intrusions into the smallest crevices of your personal life.

Please provide your answers to these questions in the comments for this article.

(Warning: some quiz answers are in the link above.)

1. Does your home have any loose or missing floor tiles, or any defective plumbing?
2. Do you ever get the feeling you’re being cheated?
3. Estimate the number of New Canadians (or “immigrants”) in your neighbourhood.
4. Available Self-Identified Ethnic Category #46: Canadian. #51: None. #53: Mixed.
5. Did you experience a delay in receiving health care this year?
6. How many Newfies does it take to – all right, all right, this one’s a freebie. (It’s F.)
7. Which member of your household pays the rent or mortgage?
8. Have any members of your household traveled to Haiti, Bolivia or Africa in the past twelve (12) months?
9. How many hours a day do you watch television with your children or other dependents?
10. Have you ever waited for an elevator for over ten minutes out of sheer stubbornness, and the angry conviction that you must get a return on the precious time you’ve invested?
11. Have you or any member of your family experienced malnutrition in the past twelve (12) months?
12. Check this box if you have not made any untrue statements, even if they were true at the time stated. Uncheck the box if not.
13. Do you have any difficulty bending?
14. Are you fucking kidding me?
15. Please specify what these data will be used for. Please be specific, please.

Contributed by Lyle Neff, a Canadian poet and journalist in Vancouver, British Columbia.