TURKEY. "Look here, jackass. If you are going to keep shooting at people on my side of the border, I might just decide to invoke Article 5."

SYRIA. "Article 5? What's that? Another useless United Nations resolution? Why are you wasting my time with this crap?"

TURKEY. "No. Article 5 of the NATO treaty declares that an armed attack against one of its members will be considered an attack against all members. In other words, when I decide to send in my troops to reinstate an Ottoman protectorate over all of your territory, I'm going to have NATO backing me up. Didn't work out too well for Gadhaffi, did it?

SYRIA. "Fine. I will tell my soldiers to be more careful and only shoot indiscriminately at civilians on my side of the border. Are we cool?"

TURKEY. "Yeah, we're cool."

SYRIA. "Good. Thanks to this unscheduled meeting, I'm already behind on my fingernail quota for the day. Seriously, could you ping me in advance on Google Calendar or something? My whole morning is off."

TURKEY. "Don't push it."

SYRIA. "Yeah, whatever. Hey, there's a family of five sneaking up to your lines. Still time to take care of this. Sorry, buddy. Got to go."

Jonathon Narvey is the Editor of The Propagandist