Does April Fool's Day come in December in Iran? The first-person account of Basij thug Hamid Darveshie Shahkolaie on the storming of the British embassy in Tehran sure reads like satire.

They Came, They Saw, They Conquered... a Garden

Last afternoon, we took the bus to gather and bang our chests in front of the embassy of the malicious State of Britain. I was surprised from the beginning at the route the bus was taking. My suspicions turned to reality when we came out through Pasdaran. At Shariati, I believed that we were going to conquer Qolhak Garden. Our brothers in the security forces were caught off-guard. They were waiting for us at Ferdowsi Square, near the [main building of the] Embassy. No one was waiting for us at [the secondary building at] Qolhak Garden.

The Horror of What They Found in the British Embassy

Then the search began from room to room. Since only the land was occupied [by the British], we didn't take any of the expensive stuff. But what can I say! There was everything. Expensive jewelry, alcoholic beverages, the complete first edition series of Harry Potter, and obscene movies and magazines.

Alcoholic beverages?! Harry Potter? And look at the DVD on top of the stack of obscene materials: "About Last Night..."

Film synopsis: "A man and woman meet and try to have a romantic affair, despite their personal problems and the interference of their disapproving friends." That sounds absolutely filthy. And look at who's in it: Rob Lowe, Demi Moore and James Belushi. Have these peddlers of smut no shame at all?

By the way, anyone want to take bets on whether the Basij thugs gave back the jewelry to their rightful owners? Anyone?

I Said, Stop Hitting Me, Damnit! We're Terrorists!

They say being hit by a baton on the head is only for dangerous madmen, [but that is] a last resort. This means that you hit them in the leg frist, then on the waist...and if they still don't fall, you hit them in the head. I don't know why our savage brothers hit our brothers who were members of Hezbollah in the head right away.

How Are We Supposed To Have A Revolution Without Wi-Fi?

In the garden, Wi-Fi wasn't working, so I was able to write just one sentence: "Khomeini! Be our witness that we acted according to...your last will. If the authorities still continue to commit mistakes, the ummah [people] of the party of Allah, from all groups, are ready to do their duty. 

So much for Press TV's propaganda (eaten up by mainstream media outlets in the West) that the destruction of Britian's embassy was carried out spontaneously by "university students". From this Basij idiot's own account, the theocrats in Iran ordered this to be carrried out, in violation of the very minimal standards of international relations.

Time to pull out the embassy staff. All of them.

Jonathon Narvey is the Editor of The Propagandist