Commonly Reported Ailments at the Guantanamo Bay Infirmary

American military medical personnel at Guantanamo Bay and human rights activists around the world are concerned over a growing list of rare and unheard of diseases afflicting the detainees. These include:

• Iranian Erectile Dysfunction (IED)
• Bin Laden’s Disease
• Impacted Hamas
• Cancer of the Beard
• Taliban Itch
• Hajj Interruptus
• Beheading Elbow
• Catamite-philia
• Suicide Bombers’ Survival Guilt Disorder
• Glandular Hezbollah
• Al-Zarqawi’s Palsy
• Niqab Burka Hijab (NBH)
• ITLB (Inability To Land Plane
• Mohammedan Depictophobia
• Humane Immunity Virus
• Shi’ite Allergy
• Waziristanism
• Salafist Fronting
• Yemenfluenza

Lyle Neff is a contributing writer for The Propagandist.